Friendship Fail?
Conversation between a friend and I, paraphrased:
Background: I’ve known her the longest of my friends. We’ve been BFFs for almost 8 years now. She went away to school (Minnesota). She’s going back at the end of this month.
Me: “I’m broke. Let’s skip bday presents, and get together for a movie or dinner instead.”
Her: “Sure. When?”
Me: “How about the 16th or 17th?”
Her: “Ooo. Can’t do Mon/Tues. Too tired after the craziest work days. How about a Fri/Sat/Sun?”
Me: “Friday can’t, work late. Sat/Sun, Dave’s here. So out unless you wanna hang with him too.”
Her: “Sats are best. I don’t want to hang with Dave, just you. Feel like we never see each other. Both at work. you’re in CT. It’s never just us.”
Me: “I want it to be just us too. Just saying why Sat/Sun is out. What about Wed/Thurs? I understand work is tiring (for me too), but we’ll just do dinner.”
Her: “Weekdays are: Mon/Tues out. Weds, maybe based on how I might feel after work. Thurs out because it’s the only day Mary and I can get together. I guess Weds? Weekdays suck.”
I wish I could post our entire conversation, because the entire time I’ve just been banging my head against the nearest hard surface. There’s been this underlying tone to her last two messages. It actually says a couple things that I’m not even sure she was trying or wanted to say. Basically felt like 1) her job is harder than mine. Granted, she babysits two kids which is tough, but don’t act like you’re the only one who gets tired from your job. And 2) it felt like she was trying to make me feel guilty for saying no to Sat/Sun because of Dave. She’s been the one friend who I feel like I can’t talk to about my boyfriend. Anytime I bring him up, she gets monosyllabic. Another friend says it could be a jealousy thing, and I haven’t ruled that out. It just sucks that she makes it seem like it’s either him or her.
And for Saturdays and Sundays (which are now his days off), I will choose him. There are five more days of the week.
Oh! And what’s the bit about cutting out Thursday because “Mary” (another friend, name changed) can only hang out that day. I get guilt tripped (or it seems) for cutting out two days because I want to see my boyfriend, but “Mary” gets to cut out six days with no flak? True, it could be because of work or other obligations, but seeing Dave is an obligation to me. There wouldn’t be a relationship if we couldn’t see each other. (And yes, if her and I don’t see each other as well, there’s no relationship, but I’m trying here.)
I sent her a message saying, basically “Yeah, Wednesday. Which one?”
Someone just help. I don’t know what I’m supposed to do here. I love her to death, but we’ve just grown farther apart with every year. Did it start with her going to school? Maybe. Did it get worse being apart so long? I guess. Did my being with Dave speed up the distancing too? Probably.
Let me say: It just sucks.
Crayola had a visit to the vet. I don’t know the exact details (I was at work), but I’m sure he freaked out in the carrier, and going down the stairs, and in the car.
But he made himself comfy in the vet’s sink.
Finally
I’m getting back on track today. Just weighed myself. I’m at 185.4lbs. Thought it’d be more.
I’m about to go grab a bowl of Cheerios and a banana for breakfast. Work starts at 9am until 2pm. I will work out after work. Whether I decide to work out inside or go for a long walk, I don’t know yet.
I’ve also started a “Fitness Fund” which I made a page about with my new goals and rewards. The fund is basically just me putting money away each time I work out. $1 for each mile I walk/run, or (if I have to stay inside) $2 for every 20 minutes I work out. Because when I reach each goal (and I’m going to), I’m going to need money for the reward. :)
I think the one thing I really need to get into my head is that this is going to be slow going. It won’t be five pounds a week, more like one or two. This isn’t going to happen overnight. I need to stop getting frustrated and bored. If I need to mix things up a bit, mix em up.
Ok. Now to grab breakfast and fix my hair before work.
[Oh! “Fun” story. I was working on Monday and a nail popped off. So I took out my glue and was in the process of gluing the nail back on, and I had the glue top in my teeth. Turns out I must’ve bit down a bit cause I chipped/broke my front tooth. Like major front tooth. What a kick in the ass to get to the dentist. Left work an hour early (truck day, can’t leave immediatly on truck day), got to the dentist, and he put a filling in. It looks fine, but seriously? I know I have a lot of shit to do with my teeth, but what a way to get me going.]
*bitchslap*
Just as I’m starting to figure out how to get back on track, I’ve written grocery lists, recipes, etc: Dave texts me (and posts to Facebook) that he’s ‘fasting’ to start off a diet.
Now, he is the type of guy to say he’s going on a diet every week. I’ve kinda started to shrug it off each time he even mentions a diet, but not this time. I told him it’s wrong, told him it’s kinda stupid, told him that fasting is NOT the way to start anything except a doctor’s visit or surgery (and only if the doctor told you to fast). Even told him that he should just go to the doctor or a nutrionist if he really wants to start dieting. But no. He keeps making lame excuses or rebuttals. Like he fasted for 61 hours once (his record, seriously) and lost 15 pounds. I gaurantee you he gained it back. Because he doesn’t stick to anything.
And I’m not trying to be negative with him wanting to diet or eat healthier. I would love it if he would. He just doesn’t. He’ll go a week drinking diet soda instead of regular, but then “oops” have a regular soda and go back to drinking it all the time. He’ll go to McDonalds and instead of getting a burger meal, he’ll get the salad but with fries and dressing and other sides, and it’s hard to tell him that it’s just not that great still (and doesn’t matter if I do because he’ll be back to the burger meal within the week).
I do try to be supportive when he starts a new “diet” mostly because I remember being a teenager and going on different diets each week, and I know I stopped this for a while, but I’m trying to get back on track. But at the same time, it gets kinda old. I still try, it’s just more difficult.
I went back to our texts before and realized my last one was harsh. I just sent a “Honey, I love you and I want you to be healthy. That’s all. That’s just not the way to do it.” text. Hopefully I can get it through to him.
Maybe when we start living together (granted, not for at least a year or two), we can both eat healthier together. It’d be easier doing it together when we can make food at home.
(And more frustrations. Told me he kept the weight off for four years. Still! Honey! Not healthy! Someone keep me from jumping on a train right now to go hit him upside the head.)
Eta: He’s eating something at midnight. Apparently he’s taken his break already (and not eaten) and that’s when he gets home from work. Okay.
Beer is evil.
Especially evil on days where I can’t call out of work cause it’s Monday (Monday is the worst day ever… well, not ever).
Last night was so much fun. BBQ at Nikki’s with her family and Drew and Nicole. Then Drew had to gedt on his train, so we (Nikki, Nicole, me) drove him there and decided to go to the beach afterwards. This while Nikki and I are both drunk. Lol. So, we drop him off, and head over to the beach. Swim around a bit (no beach, just lots of rocks, nice scrape along my little toe).
Nikki brought a couple beers, so at one point she reached into her bag to find her keys to get her bottle opener. She pulled out keys and stared at them, gasped, and said “These are Drew’s!!!” Ended up calling him and he called his dad. His dad got him his spare key and took it when Drew’s train got home. Drew’s actual keys are now with me since Dave comes over today. So Dave is gonna take them home with him on Tuesday.
I’m seriously already tired of writing this.
Oh! But we’re (Dave and I) going to dinner with the family today and then to see Eclipse with Nikki. That is, if I can shake off this after-party funk. :P Wish me luck!
EEEEEEEK
Summer should officially be renamed as “The Season In Which Shannon Screams Like A Little Girl… A Lot”.
Welp, the first Flying Bug of the season has made it into my room. Unfortunately for it, Chris and my mother were awake, so I was able to enlist their help. Chris seriously just picked the thing up with his hand and flushed it down the toilet. Dave does the same thing! Then I won’t let him touch me til he washes his hand. I don’t get boys. :-P
I hate when people try to tell me what the bug is as they or I am getting it out of my room. I don’t care what it is. I just care that it’s not close enough for me to see, hear, and touch.
Of course, I am now going to be too squicked out to sleep for a little while. So, I am instead working on my motivation projects. A sketchbook turned into a calendar for workout and eating notes. And magazine pages that either inspire or motivate me. :) We’ll see if this at least kicks me up a bit.
I will admit, I’m a bit shocked. I weighed myself around 6pm just because I was passing by the scale. 182. I’m surprised it’s not higher. I’m glad, but surprised.
Gah!
I just need motivation! I have absolutely none. Not for school, for work, for making myself a healthier person. Hell, not even to type on here. When was the last time I did?
Random:
- Found a car. I know, it was quick. It’s a ‘97 Hyundai Sonata. About $3500. Runs awesome, and it’s the cleanest car I’ve ever seen. Might actually start driving to Connecticut. Save some money.
- Guy who ran the red is saying he had a green. Luckily, I have two non-biased I’ve-never-met-before witnesses… unlike him. Good luck, asshole.
- Someone came in the store today, and they smelled like Dave. Not even kidding. I was working in aisle 10 with Patrick. Some guy walked past me and went down aisle 9, and my first thought was “Dave”. I don’t know if it was his cologne or something, but I almost forgot I don’t work with Nikki anymore. I almost turned to Patrick to go “Did you smell him?!?”
- I like the guys at my job more than the girls. They’re conversations are just more fun. I don’t participate mostly, but I like listening.
- For the first time in the history of EVER, people noticed that I dyed my hair. My natural hair is a medium brown. Not light, but not too dark either. I bought a box of “Light Auburn” hair color, which actually turned my hair a strawberry blondish color. Went into work (with my hair up, which is why I was surprised people noticed). Logan was the first (in a singsong voice) “Ooooh, Shannon changed her hair color!” Then Kathie and Arly came out and complimented it. I think I blushed, I’m not used to people noticing. Arly’s was the best. She said she’d never seen someone dye their hair strawberry blonde and actually look good besides me. :) I’ve gotten people telling me my skin color is awesome for strawberry blonde. I think I will keep it. :D
- I… am going to a comic convention thing next year. I’m not even kidding. Dave goes every year to Otacon (I think that’s the spelling). Next year he wants to go as Doctor Who characters. So… I promised I’d go as Amy Pond (I can’t decide which outfit of hers) if he goes as the Eleventh Doctor. Woot. I can’t believe it myself. Haha.
That’s about it. :)
Hope ya’ll had a Happy Fourth. :D
Thanks, just thanks.
Is it wrong for me to hate my boss a little right now?
I’m going to the doctor’s today at around 3pm because my neck is bothering me. I want to get in there and get it checked just in case.
I called work at 8am to tell them I wouldn’t be in. I said, “I’m not gonna be able to come in today. I need to go to the doctors because I was in a car accident yesterday and they can’t get me in until later.”
Did I get a “Oh, wow, are you okay?” or anything like that?
Nope. “Did you find someone to cover you?” Umm, no. I don’t have phone numbers and I think everyone is already scheduled on today. “Well, we’ll have to find coverage. Bye.”
Yeah. Meanwhile, there’s already two other cashiers and one manager on for the shift I was supposed to work, which is the same fucking coverage we had last week. So, don’t give me we need coverage. Where was our extra cashier you seem to need so badly last week? Ugh.
Only 8:30am and already stressed and a little pissed off.
Whelp… that’s mah car.
That picture doesn’t even do it justice. The tire is at a very awkward angle, the passenger side is smashed, and the entire car has been shifted towards my driver’s side. As in, there’s damage on the driver’s side AND THAT WASN’T EVEN HIT!
So, I’m driving home from work today and decide to stop at the bank to deposit my paycheck. I’m just driving along pretty carefully since some of the streetlights were out from this five minute storm we had.
I get to about a block away from the bank. I have a green light, there’s a few people I see ahead of me that go, I get to the light and go through… just to get hit by some guy going through the red light. I mean he SLAMMED right into me. I’m pretty sure I yelled. I’m shaken, I start crying, I look over (my car is jammed along his driver’s side at this point) and he can’t get out, his passenger is crying and breathing hard, and I didn’t even notice the third guy in the back until I was out of my car.
I’m shaking and crying, some really nice guy (I think he worked near there) comes over, helps me out, asks if I’m okay, and tells me I can move to the sidewalk. I see the firetruck coming, and the guy says if I need to to sit down cause I’m still crying.
These two people from the side of the road run over to me. They were the sweetest people ever. They say they were sitting in their parked car and saw the whole thing, how I had a green and the other guy had a red light. They gave me their numbers (one of the firemen who got there three seconds later gave me a pen), and then said they’d hang around until my mom got there (who I called and cried to). I texted Ashley and she walked over from the bank (though she didn’t get there til Mom did).
Everyone kept asking if I was okay. I was just shaken from being in an accident. I kept looking at my completely fucked up car and thinking, “I just fixed those fucking brakes!” The two witnesses were the sweetest, kept telling me it wasn’t my fault. One of them went and got me a water bottle, which almost made me cry. I told them I wished my sister had had people like them at her accident, she got screwed since the cop never took witnesses.
Cops came, and he was nice too. Got my license and everything. Explained that he got the witnesses stories and it matched mine. All the while, the passenger in the other car is being taken to the hospital. I don’t know about the other two in the car, I wasn’t really paying attention to them.
By the time Mom got there, just the cop and my two witnesses were there. And a tow truck was on the way for the cars. Ash turned up like two seconds later. Mom actually looked at the drivers side of my car and said it didn’t look too bad just a bit dented… and then I told her she was looking at the wrong side. Yeah… Thankfully the cop gave me the report and all the other car’s insurance information, so we can get all that settled. I’m still so thankful for the two witnesses. They really helped even just by being there.
I called everyone. Called Dave while I was sitting waiting for the tow truck to get there. Cried to him for a bit. Texted people. I was just in shock from all of it. And everyone keeps asking if I’m okay, and I’m fine. I got a bit of a headache later, but I think it might’ve just been from all the stress and noise. And I’m getting a purple bruise where I guess I hit my leg into the steering wheel.
But I’m okay. That’s all I can really think right now. I just need to be thankful that I’m okay.
Mondays (Yes, I know it’s Tuesday)
I feel like I’m living my life in Mondays.
Just Monday to Monday, waiting for his train to get here or mine to get there.
And all that’s there in between are work shifts and the occassional day with a friend.
Dropped him off at the station today, then ran to Target to grab a few things, and you know what? I just about broke down in the middle of some stupid nail treatment aisle in Target. My cart was annoying and jumpy, this kid an aisle over was whining, another a few aisles down was crying, two women were just being loud and shrill a few feet away, the girls ahead of me in line couldn’t decide if they wanted what they had… and my boyfriend is gone until next Monday.
And work. Work is slightly annoying. A coworker texted me Monday night asking if I was working Tuesday. I texted back, “I’m not. I can’t work Tuesdays” all the while Dave is lying in bed next to me (cause it’s almost midnight). Then this morning, waking me up, I get a call with Work on the caller ID. I ignored it. An hour later, same thing. I ignored it. The one day I tell them I can’t work, I’m not picking up the phone. I’ve chatted with just about every cashier there, I know about their relationships, and they know mine. Hell, two or three even ask me on Mondays if I’m going to Connecticut or if he’s coming here. Leave me alone.
Today was amazing though, before I had to drop him off.
I know you don’t need a guy to feel sexy, but it sure doesn’t hurt. While I’m still a bit uncomfortable being completely naked, he can make me feel a bit more each time. I was getting up, and looking for clothes, so I grabbed the sheet to put around me. My hair was a mess, and it was just a very Movie!Cliche moment. I was giggling like crazy, he was laughing, and he said, “You look so sexy right now, I just want to take your picture.” No, he didn’t, but the look on his face was just… he meant it.
And now I have to wait til Monday to get that again. Because it’s not just the sound of his voice or seeing his text, but the look on his face when he sees me means so much too. It’s the thing I miss the most when we’re not together.
This entire long post can be settled in these words: Long distance relationships suck (but what else can you do?).
