Friendship Fail?
Conversation between a friend and I, paraphrased:
Background: I’ve known her the longest of my friends. We’ve been BFFs for almost 8 years now. She went away to school (Minnesota). She’s going back at the end of this month.
Me: “I’m broke. Let’s skip bday presents, and get together for a movie or dinner instead.”
Her: “Sure. When?”
Me: “How about the 16th or 17th?”
Her: “Ooo. Can’t do Mon/Tues. Too tired after the craziest work days. How about a Fri/Sat/Sun?”
Me: “Friday can’t, work late. Sat/Sun, Dave’s here. So out unless you wanna hang with him too.”
Her: “Sats are best. I don’t want to hang with Dave, just you. Feel like we never see each other. Both at work. you’re in CT. It’s never just us.”
Me: “I want it to be just us too. Just saying why Sat/Sun is out. What about Wed/Thurs? I understand work is tiring (for me too), but we’ll just do dinner.”
Her: “Weekdays are: Mon/Tues out. Weds, maybe based on how I might feel after work. Thurs out because it’s the only day Mary and I can get together. I guess Weds? Weekdays suck.”
I wish I could post our entire conversation, because the entire time I’ve just been banging my head against the nearest hard surface. There’s been this underlying tone to her last two messages. It actually says a couple things that I’m not even sure she was trying or wanted to say. Basically felt like 1) her job is harder than mine. Granted, she babysits two kids which is tough, but don’t act like you’re the only one who gets tired from your job. And 2) it felt like she was trying to make me feel guilty for saying no to Sat/Sun because of Dave. She’s been the one friend who I feel like I can’t talk to about my boyfriend. Anytime I bring him up, she gets monosyllabic. Another friend says it could be a jealousy thing, and I haven’t ruled that out. It just sucks that she makes it seem like it’s either him or her.
And for Saturdays and Sundays (which are now his days off), I will choose him. There are five more days of the week.
Oh! And what’s the bit about cutting out Thursday because “Mary” (another friend, name changed) can only hang out that day. I get guilt tripped (or it seems) for cutting out two days because I want to see my boyfriend, but “Mary” gets to cut out six days with no flak? True, it could be because of work or other obligations, but seeing Dave is an obligation to me. There wouldn’t be a relationship if we couldn’t see each other. (And yes, if her and I don’t see each other as well, there’s no relationship, but I’m trying here.)
I sent her a message saying, basically “Yeah, Wednesday. Which one?”
Someone just help. I don’t know what I’m supposed to do here. I love her to death, but we’ve just grown farther apart with every year. Did it start with her going to school? Maybe. Did it get worse being apart so long? I guess. Did my being with Dave speed up the distancing too? Probably.
Let me say: It just sucks.
